Tobeawife's Blog

A great cirriculum

tobeawife — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 03:58:02 +0000

My son is 2 1/2 yrs old. I just started using a FREE toddler curriculum I found online. I searched all over online and this lady posts her curriculum for free, so I wanted to share that with you. It starts from baby and up. I don’t think I will be homeschooling my son for grade school, but we definitely need to start some organized education program for home so he wont be behind when he starts school. He is doing the 2 yr old program which lasts 26 weeks and next year I will use her 3 yr old program.

her website… www.letteroftheweek.com

If she ever reads this, I just wanted to thank her for sharing her knowledge and skill with other moms. Not all of us can afford to buy curriculum or be a member to certain sites. So, Thanks!

So Frustrated!

tobeawife — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 03:49:38 +0000

Obviously the stresses of a very tight budget are getting to my marriage. Two days ago we spent $50.00 on my sister’s birthday gift which my husband said we had plenty of money to get. And I told him it was not necessary but if we could, then great. I had already made her a birthday dinner and a cake, so a gift was just extra.

Now, I spend $86.00 at Wal-mart and he is pissed off because I dont have much food to show for it. He cant seem to understand how expensive grocery’s are now AND other household items. I bought orange juice (the brand he likes), milk, bread, peanut butter, waffles, eggs, 1 canned tuna, dish scrubbers, Pledge (he requested), toothbrush for my son and 1 extra to donate to church, toothpaste for us and 1 extra to donate, pads and liners (the most expensive things), lotion, new finger nail and toe nail clippers (which he told me he needed), nail polish remover (which after 3 yrs I am finally out), two binders w/ dividers (for my son’s homeschooling stuff), Mr. Clean sponges (so I can clean our bathroom), bubble bath (for my son), tape (for son’s home school projects), and a card for my nephew’s christening..which he has budgeted out giving $100.00.

I am about to open that card I just sealed and rip that check up. I am not willing to give so much to my sisters at the expense of my family’s actual NEEDS.

My husband needs to understand that if you are going to include hygienic items on the grocery budget, you better budget out a lot more than $250.00 a month….that is if he wants to eat decent meals, wear clean clothes, and maintain good hygiene.

The Love Dare…Day 3,4,5,6

tobeawife — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:56:34 +0000

I am a little behind in the “Dare” updates. Day 3 set me behind, because we are on a tight budget and I kept on remembering how in the movie he was cheap and got her crappy flowers. So the sock idea was out of the question. Instead I got him a men’s shampoo and conditioner set from Aveda. It smells very “spa like,” so I thought it would be soothing during his showers.

Day 4 Dare: Contact your spouse during the business day and ask how they are doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

What I did: He had a convention to go to the next day, so I asked him if he needed anything for that. He also forgot his parking badge so I asked him if he needed me to drop it by his work. It was a quick conversation. So far this was the easiest Dare.

Day 5 Dare: Ask your spouse 3 things that irritate them about you.

What I did: I asked him, which was actually easy b/c I think we’ve done this before. 1. watching to much QVC. 2. rather not say. 3. rather not say. I pretty much new what he was going to say, but the whole watching a lot of QVC was somewhat of a surprise to me. I didnt realize it bothered him that much. Probably more the needless spending.

Day 6 Dare (Today): Choose today to react to tough marital circumstances in a loving way instead of irritation. List areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. List any wrong motivations you need to remove from your life.

What I did: I work weekends so I get most of my chores done during the week. There were just small piles of laundry this weekend so I assumed that my husband would just leave them b/c why would you do a whole load with only a few pieces. I guess he didn’t have the sense to not to b/c he washed the small loads. I’ve have told him so many times do not touch the laundry b/c he is not good at it and messes up our clothes..(I’m sure other wives wish their husbands would help). In this case he is not being helpful. Anyways, I didnt mention to him not to do the laundry b/c I thought it was obvious. So when I say that the small load was left in the dryer, I called him at work…and as it rang I started thinking, “is this how I want to react?” So, as soon as he answered I told him “oh nothing, nevermind” and he just snickered and said okay.

So, this love dare stuff is really working.

As far as adding margin to my schedule, I would have to say Sunday evenings. It is a tight race from getting home from work, eating dinner, getting ready for church, and getting to church on time. But it is sooo worth it. I could wake up earlier than my son to get things going in the morning.

Wrong motiviations? Probably going back to school just to “rub it in others faces.” Some “friends” we have, or my husband has are very superficial and it makes we feel “like not enough” Why I let them bother me? I am not sure. But I should go back to school (Medical School) for the lifelong reason it always has been; which is to help others less fortunate than myself and bring them hope in a non-judgemental way.

My son

tobeawife — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:34:10 +0000

All is well as far as health goes. My son is just fine and the runny nose went away about 5 days later.

Hand and Butt rash

tobeawife — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:34:08 +0000

So, on the only day my son goes to daycare, I get a call at work at 9:30am from our daycare. She is a mom herself and has been doing this for over 15 years, so I trust her judgement. She tells me my son cannot stop scratching his rear end and hands. On is butt she finds hives and welts and the same on his hands. My first thought..damn. Okay I say let me call the pediatrician and see what I should do. Of course I go through my chain of thoughts starting with, “What did we do last night?” “Is it something he is wearing?” What did he eat last night or this morning?” “What did he touch?” “Should I give him anything for it…benadryl, topical antihistamine?” “What was is that I learned in school 4 years ago?” I get on the internet and there it was “Hand Foot and Mouth Disease” Okay, so that is what we are ruling out.

My son had a 1. very bad cold two weeks ago 2. still has a slight runny nose 3. congestion 4. and now the rash

The pediatrician said to just go ahead and bring him in for a check up. 2 hours later when I get to the daycare, the itching has stopped and hives/welts disappeared; all you can see are marks from his nails where he had been scratching.

Well, I took him to his appointment anyways. The pediatrician couldn’t rule anything out because he basically had no symptoms, but she said try 3/4 of a tsp of children’s benadryl for the next couple days.

And of course later when we went out to eat…5. diarrhea in the restaurant and no changing table. Hope this is all for now. Probably something viral, but with lots of TLC, he’ll be better in no time.

The Love Dare

tobeawife — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:18:49 +0000

I couldn’t really call this a day because I cannot do day 3 today.

Day 3′s dare is to buy your spouse something to let them know you are thinking about them. Well, it is already 10:15 pm so I’ll try tomorrow. However, I have a ten hour work day and I dont usually go out to the store afterwards..but I guess I’ll make it happen.

Yesterday I ironed his work shirts and he got so excited..he came out of the restroom and said, “Whoa! Hay, Thanks!” And of course I started grinning. Just in case I haven’t mentioned it before, my husbands “love language” is Acts of Service.

So, tomorrow’s goal … something new, but something he needs. New socks for basketball? We are on a budget, so I cant really splurge.

The Love Dare…Day 2

tobeawife — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:43:50 +0000

Dare: Do not say anything negative to your spouse and do a nice unexpected gesture.

What I did: I think Im going to continue day 2 another day. My nice gesture I planned for yesterday was to iron his work shirts for him, but I got really busy, so while he’s at the gym today I’ll have my chance. Also, ther were a few moments when I wanted to gripe at him, but just knowing that I wasn’t supposed to stopped the whole “irritated thought” process to begin with…I am trying to remeber what it was, but nothing comes to mind. I guess all the pent up anger and irritation is really in my head. He isn’t so bad afterall and it is only day 2. Could this all really just be MY EMOTIONAL ride? Hmm…I guess we’ll see.

The Love Dare…Day 1

tobeawife — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:41:18 +0000

So, if you’ve been reading along my blog with me, you know my husband and I are having marital trouble. We felt we hit rock bottom 3 weeks ago …so what were we to do, we went back to church. And, after a nasty email I sent him about my frustrations with him and doubt in him in general..he actually responded…he responded! It wasn’t nice things, but for once he had something to say. So, I wrote him back thanking him for the response then later that night spoke with him. We talked about how we felt and I kept asking him “What are you thinking?…What are you thinking now? “ I just wanted to get in his head, he is such an introverted person I felt this was opportunity to understand what he wanted to say. I explained to him that despite the fact that what he said in his email wasn’t all daisies and roses, I was just glad that he responded because that meant he cared. He explained to me that the more I write him mean emails or texts, the less he cares to “try” and he just regresses further away from opening up.

…Deep breath….this is big..but wasnt it obvious to me that writing mean things to someone makes them turn away rather than come closer….it was, but it made so much of a difference that he actually said it instead of me guessing and deciding things in my head about how I thought he “might” be feeling or why he was acting(or more like not acting) a certain way.

So, after two sleepless nights..of course the nights before I work 10 hour days, I pick up a book that a coworker had given me from her church group..she gave it to me a while back when I was pregnant and said she had no use for it and thought it was for younger families. So I took it and stuck it on our book shelf. Well, on that sleepless night, I picked up that book and started to read.It was about a young couple’s journey into a birth control free life style. It didn’t have much to do with me and my husband, but it helped me to read about a couple that loved each other..it was comforting and lulled me to sleep. But more, it started me thinking about this other book we received as a wedding gift. The Love Dare based on the movie Fireproof. When we first got it we watched the movie..which is actually pretty good for being made my a bunch of church members, and we both agreed “hey, we should do that.” But of course we never did and that book went on the shelf along with all our other self help books.

Anyways, if you’ve watched the movie, you know one person does the dare to the other person. I always thought my husband should be doing the dare on me. Well, I guess my desperation for our marriage made me swallow my pride and just start that damn dare. I actually started yesterday, but I had to start over again today. I broke the dare even before the day had started. The dare lasts 40 days and you are given a task each day. It gives you some space to write down anything you’d like to say about that day that may have happened. So, instead of writing in the actual book….cuz you know, ……what if he decides to do it also someday…..I decided to blog about it. It will be my “Love Dare” journey.

Day 1…crap he just walked in and the book was sitting on the desk….he looked towards the book, but I’m not sure he noticed..but I think he did cuz he kind of grinned..oh well…I guess we’ll see.

Dare: be patient with your spouse by not saying anything negative, and if you find the urge to, it is better to say nothing at all.

What I did: Today wasn’t so bad, there was a moment when he put our son’s blanket in the crib with him, but it was his dirty blanket that’s been all over the house and at daycare….I said nothing. Also, he was disciplining our son while trying to make him eat his lunch. I disagreed with his tactics, but I politely said “don’t do that , not like that.”

Not bad for day 1.

I forgot to mention

tobeawife — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:31:58 +0000

As far as parenting goes, I’m a little stuck. The daycare wants to start our son on their curriculum which of course is great. However, he would have to go at least three times a week to get any benefits. He only goes for a half day on Fridays when I work. The dilemma is that I love teaching and want to teach him myself, but since our wedding, the bills are seriously piling up, and my husband’s paychecks are frighteningly down to his base pay. So, it would be wise to pick up a second job..preferably in the evenings that way our son could be home with someone each time. Of course my husband thinks it makes more sense for me to work extra because I get paid hourly and he is salary. He also thinks I should work during the day and we send our son back off to daycare. The whole point in me working part-time (weekends and Fridays only) was to stay home with my son. As of this moment, I’m looking into working extra evenings if they even offer a shift like that because my husband wont be home until 6pm, so I would be working a very late shift that I don’t think is readily available. I’m also upset with him because I still think he can make money taking on a part time job that includes tips (pizza delivery, etc). He thinks I’m delusional about home much they really make..I just want to stay home and teach my son myself.

okay , I just looked up how much a pizza delivery guy makes and he’s right, not much…I get paid more hourly..so off to work I go.

BUT, I still want to stay home with my son during the day.

tobeawife — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:14:17 +0000

The UPDATE

Well, we pretty much hit rock bottem and couldn’t decide where to go from there. I looked online on how to get a divorce and it is actually quite easy. One of the websites had little messages for knowing if you are truly ready for a divorce or not. As I read through, I realized …were not ready. Yes I still have feelings for him…he says he has feelings for me… I think it is our inability to affectively communicate. We’ve read the whole “Five Love Languages Book” by Gary Ghapman. It doesnt seem to work for him at least. I think he’s on cloud 9 and I’m in downsville. So, since it says were not ready to get a divorce, what else do you do when you hit rock bottem…it’s time for church. We prayed together that night, but haven’t since then. We started going back to church..this stuff really works for the moment. I know I can’t see results overnight, but at least we are back to being loving towards each other and not animals.